Yourself behaviour Y3
Manage Emotions
Your emotional temperature sets the tone for the whole school. Notice the warning signs, pause and respond from your values, not your feelings.
Jump to Y3 resources ↓What this behaviour looks like
How I behave matters most
A leader notices the first signs of rising emotion, pauses and chooses a measured response, whether to an angry parent email, a heated staff meeting or public criticism from a governor. They acknowledge others' feelings, act from their values and repair quickly.
A practical example
A governor's challenge in a meeting
Reacting on impulse“We have done a great deal on writing this year. Let me take you through every single action, because I do not think our effort has been recognised.”
Responding with intention“Thank you, that is a fair challenge. Writing outcomes are below target, and I think we could have acted sooner. I will bring the evidence of what we changed, and when, so governors can judge for themselves whether it is working.”
Notice the urge to defend every action, and pause.
Accept the challenge and give an honest judgement.
Offer evidence so governors can judge progress for themselves.
Choose one situation you expect this week. Write your early warning sign, the calm, honest words you will use and the next step you will offer.
Y3 · Resources for your setting
Put ‘Manage Emotions’ into practice
Develop your own practice or lead the learning with your team. Use the chapter and workbook to explore the behaviour, then choose the resources that fit your next step.
Apply · Your leadership practice
Put it to work
Use the Y3 Playbook to turn the behaviour into practical action on a real leadership challenge.
- Practical toolkit and coaching prompts
- A practice script to rehearse your approach
- A 90-day plan to guide your next steps
Members only · Explore membership →
Apply · Learning with your team
Lead a team session
Use the Y3 INSET PowerPoint to help colleagues explore the behaviour and plan how to put it into practice.
- Editable slides to adapt to your setting
- Speaker notes to support facilitation
- Discussion, rehearsal and planning
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Completed Playbooks
See Y3 applied in eight leadership contexts
Choose your role to explore the challenge, the leader’s response and the intended result. Members can read the complete example and download an editable Word copy.
In a primary school
In a secondary school
Across schools
Selected completed example
In a primary school · Headteacher
Answering a governor's challenge
Rosa · Headteacher · 652-pupil primary school
Worked example at a glance
Answering a governor's challenge
The challengeA governor asks whether leaders acted quickly enough on weak writing outcomes. The headteacher feels their competence is being doubted and reaches for every piece of evidence at once.
What the leader doesThe headteacher pauses, checks which part of the question the governor means, gives a candid judgement, owns accountability for the slower response and names a date when governors can test progress.
What success looks likeBy day 30 challenge should be met with the outcome, an honest judgement and the next test; by day 60 reporting should reveal variation in writing earlier; by day 90 writing should show measurable, equitable improvement.
Tessa · Deputy Headteacher and Designated Safeguarding Lead · 510-pupil primary school
Worked example at a glance
Staying steady when a record gap appears
The challengeA quality check reveals a serious gap in a safeguarding chronology. The DSL's mind jumps to the worst outcome, and taking over with several instructions at once feels urgent.
What the leader doesThe DSL first checks whether any child needs immediate protection, then slows to one fact, owner and action at a time, uses the formal correction route and later asks how that pace felt to others.
What success looks likeBy day 30 chronology gaps should prompt safe, accurate and fair action; by day 60 recording should become more reliable without depending on the DSL taking over; by day 90 the deputy DSL's confidence and assurance should remain strong.
Sanjay · Science Lead and Year 4 teacher · 384-pupil primary school
Worked example at a glance
Raising the equipment problem calmly
The challengeFor the third time this term, shared science equipment comes back broken and incomplete just before a lesson. The science lead's jaw tightens and a sharp word in the corridor feels close.
What the leader doesThe science lead teaches the adapted practical first, talks to the colleague calmly at lunchtime the same day, checks whether the planned words are about the equipment or weeks of irritation and writes down a return routine.
What success looks likeBy day 30 equipment should come back complete, with any gap raised the same day; by day 60 breakages should be reported by whoever caused them; by day 90 practicals should run as planned and colleagues should raise problems early.
Umar · Headteacher · ages 11 to 18 secondary school, 1,470 pupils
Worked example at a glance
Responding to an angry parent in public
The challengeAfter an evening event, a parent raises their voice about a sanction in front of other families. The headteacher feels the accusation is unfair and wants to correct every detail on the spot.
What the leader doesThe headteacher speaks quietly, acknowledges the concern, sets a privacy boundary and offers a specific private conversation, then reviews the evidence and tells the parent when they will hear back.
What success looks likeBy day 30 public challenges should move safely to private review; by day 60 families should understand how concerns and appeals are handled; by day 90 escalation at events should be consistent across leaders.
Winston · Assistant Headteacher for curriculum · ages 11 to 16 secondary school, 1,130 pupils
Worked example at a glance
Hearing strong challenge in a meeting
The challengeA faculty leader calls a proposed assessment change educationally weak in front of middle leaders. The assistant head feels their credibility is under attack, interrupts and stops noting the counterargument.
What the leader doesThe assistant head pauses, restates the strongest version of the concern, asks what evidence would settle it and names what will be tested and when the decision will return.
What success looks likeBy day 30 contentious proposals should be tested fairly against evidence; by day 60 subject challenge should change decisions where evidence warrants; by day 90 leaders should report stronger intellectual safety and clarity.
Viola · Head of Year 8 · ages 11 to 16 secondary school, 1,020 pupils
Worked example at a glance
Responding to repeated behaviour without giving up
The challengeA Year 8 pupil repeats the same behaviour after two restorative conversations. The head of year's questions get shorter, and the pupil risks hearing that improvement is no longer expected.
What the leader doesThe head of year secures the transition, slows the first sentence, asks what was different just before the incident, holds the existing boundary and tests one revised support or consequence.
What success looks likeBy day 30 recurring incidents should receive calm, evidence-based responses; by day 60 revised support should target the actual pattern of recurrence; by day 90 corridor intimidation should reduce with trust preserved.
Xanthe · Head of English · ages 11 to 18 secondary school, 1,320 pupils
Worked example at a glance
Hearing a late concern properly
The challengeA colleague raises a curriculum concern as the English meeting ends. The head of department answers before hearing the example and starts packing up, which risks silencing useful expertise.
What the leader doesThe head of department stops packing, acknowledges the time pressure, records the concern accurately and gives a credible return point, repairing directly if the concern has already been dismissed.
What success looks likeBy day 30 every open concern should be heard or given a named return point; by day 60 colleagues' views should shape curriculum decisions openly; by day 90 trust in the department should improve without delaying planning.
Quinn · Trust Chief Operating Officer · seven-school trust
Worked example at a glance
Leading a morning of multiple incidents
The challengeA blocked fire escape, no lunch ordered for 600 pupils and a payroll deadline arrive at once. The COO's pace rises and instructions start going to whoever is nearest.
What the leader doesThe COO takes a minute, ranks the problems aloud with the reason, gives each an owner and a time, and tells the team exactly which new problems should interrupt, however busy the COO looks.
What success looks likeBy day 30 a multiple-incident morning should start with problems written down and ranked aloud; by day 60 colleagues should interrupt against the agreed test rather than how busy leaders look; by day 90 the order set should hold up on review.
The complete Playbook is for members
Turn this example into action
Read the full toolkit, coaching and practice scripts, and 90-day plan. Members can view the PDF here and download an editable Word copy.
Further reading
Recommended book
Emotional Agility – Susan David (2016)
This book supports the behaviour by offering strategies for recognising, naming and navigating emotions with clarity and composure.
References from the Everyone Succeeds book
- Beatty, B.R. (2000) 'The emotions of educational leadership: Breaking the silence', International Journal of Leadership in Education, 3(4), pp. 331–357. View article ↗
- Boyatzis, R.E. and McKee, A. (2005) Resonant Leadership: Renewing Yourself and Connecting with Others Through Mindfulness, Hope, and Compassion. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press. Buy on Amazon ↗
- Goleman, D. (1996) Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. London: Bloomsbury. Buy on Amazon ↗
- Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R. and McKee, A. (2002) Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press. Buy on Amazon ↗
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